An Cafe break...
Monday, August 31, 2009
2:50 PM
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Listening to: An Cafe playlist
Mood: Shock
This is more of a rant, but it's better to let things out instead of holding them in. If you don't know (which I'll be surprised it you don't) my favorite band is a Japanese Oshare Kei/Visual Kei band known as An Cafe (sometimes as Antic Cafe). There was an official announcement that after their concert at Budokan 2010 they will be taking a "break". Though the wording sounds like they might break up, it mentions a restart. But it doesn't say when though, so they could be gone for years before coming back!
I got the text from Tati about it, and after a class I rushed back to my dorm to check out LiveJournal which has the trasnlated post. It was true. Even though it's been a few hours from the text, which made my heart stop, I think I'm still in shock. I did tear up a bit, but I feel like the news still hasn't hit me yet. I have a bad feeling that it's going to hit me hard sometime this week.
I mean, I love this band. I've never seen a band treat their fans so well, they even gave their fans names (Cafekko), and they give a glimpse of their personal lives to the fans to remind them they are human too. The fans even have their own song dedicated to them. Their music is always positive (and I'll admit a few are perverted, which can't be helped, Miku, who writes all the lyrics, is a bit of a pervert), but the music is so different from what I normal listen to. An Cafe is one of the few bands that can put a smile on my face without trying, and brighten up my day almost all the time.
It may seem like I'm over exaggerating but for some reason, it's all true. I don't know what I'm going to do while they're on break and I pray that they don't break up. I may have most of their music from their six years of being together, but not being able to look forward for new music, magazine scans of their latest outfits, and just fun info on how their lives are going... I don't know what I'm going to do. I know life will go on, but life is going to feel empty for a long time.
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Five pounds...
Monday, August 17, 2009
1:50 PM
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Listening to: west fight sto~ry~ - SuG
Mood: OMG
I weighted myself today... and I have gained five pounds over two and a half months. Gaaahhh... (Yes, I stole your word Tati.) I guess I deserve it, I haven't done any thing but lounge around since I go back from NAU in June, and this weight is actually a good average for someone my height. But still... FIVE POUNDS!
Here, and now, I vow that once I return to NAU in three days time, that I will start doing 300 ab workouts a night. By the second semester I shall be doing at least 500 a night.
I'll post a sticky on my closet door or something to make sure I'm reminded.
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Les points de son coeur.
Friday, August 14, 2009
2:22 PM
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Listening to: NYAPPY in the world 3 ~ DREAM & LOVE ver. ~ -- An Cafe
Mood: Blank
Is it bad to not want to talk to a parent because they hurt you emotionally? I haven't talked to my dad for three weeks easy, but today my mom told me I should talk to him about how I feel. I tried talking to him today, but I ended up crying again, and eventually ended up cutting off all emotion. I don't want to talk to him. I don't. I don't. I don't.
I tried explaining what felt, really did, but he just cut me off. Saying I'm just mad, and upset, and that I'm not listening. I'm listening, it's the fact that you're not.
He says he doesn't want to degrade me but it feels like it. Even if you say it that you aren't, and it feels like it, I'm going to go with what my emotions are telling me. He says he's going to call back, but I'm probably - no, I know I'm going to ignore it.
It's easy to not talk to you, easy to avoid saying "I love you" at the end of our conversation, easy to pretend I care, it's so easy because you weren't there. You left, and expect that everything will still be the same? It's not going to be.
I wonder why it's so easy to hate but not easy to love. And it makes me think about divorces, if you marry someone aren't you suppose to love them even more than you did when you first married them?
Because of all these problems I desperately don't want to have this happen to me when I fall in love, when I marry. I don't want the love of my life to leave me because he doesn't "love me anymore" like it happened to my parents. In this time of day now, it's so hard to think that this isn't going to happen. People commit adultery because it's normal now a day (well, at least in the US, I can't say for all the other countries out there). I feel like nearly impossible to be in a stable relationship, a stable family that will have it's quarrels once in a while but stay together despite all odds.
Is there even a chance anymore?
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Saturday, August 8, 2009
5:11 PM
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Listening to: Cry for the Moon -- Epica
Mood: Frustrated
I think it was two days ago, and I can't believe I forgot to write this down. But I went to Mout. Lemmon with my madre and her boyfriend (soon to be step dad, after college though) to check it out. It was absolutely gorgeous up there! This Tuesday we're going back up to eat and ride the skii lift. Even though there no snow we'll get to go up the mountain and see everything.
But before we left I saw a really cute Asian guy with a friend. They're were taking pictures of their cars (maybe to sell?) but omg, those cars were really amazing! They were cars (and sounded like them) that looked like they came out from the Fast and Furious movies!
It's Tokyo Drift all over again!
...I'm such a nerd.
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Neo Angelique Abyss
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
5:32 PM
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Listening to: The opening of Neo Angelique Abyss Mood: Blah I've fallen victim to anime once again. It's been awhile since I last saw anything. If I remember correctly the last thing I saw was Yu Yu Hakusho since I had the sudden urge to re-watch the series. That didn't do to far, I think I got to episode 10 then stopped.
But now I've stumbled across something called Neo Angelique Abyss. The very beginning scene made me giggle a bit. Just because I haven't watched anything for a long time, and when I returned shoujo is what first comes. I guess that old habit hasn't been broken yet. :3
It's a 13 episode anime (probably finish it tonight) but it looks like it's based off a manga so I must find it.
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It's not a date.
Monday, August 3, 2009
4:10 PM
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Listening to: Natsu Koi Natsu GAME -- An Cafe (on repeat) Mood: Blank  It's not a date. It's not a date. It's not a date. It's not a date. It's not a date. It's not a date. It's not a date. It's not a date. It's not a date. It's not a date. It's not a date. It's not a date. It's not a date. It's not a date. It's not a date. It's not a date!
I just happen to be going to dinner to a Japanese Chinese place with a guy. That's it.
EDIT -- 8:25 PM
Apparently it turned into a date half way through the hang out. Both sushi bar were closed for some off reason so we went to a nice Chinese place next door to one of the sushi bar. It was a really good dinner, though it was kinda of awkward since we didn't really know each other. There were a lot of awkward silences.
After dinner, he suggested going to the park and I thought nothing of it. I agreed. It was a park right by the apartments my mother, Jeremy and I (temporarily) live. Half way through the walk he just grabbed my hand.
... note the grabbed and not ask to hold. It was extremely uncomfortable. Two reasons: 1) I barely met the guy; I think I've known him for like an hour. 2) I've never held hand with anyone before. Really uncomfortable.
But being the accursed nice person I am, I didn't say anything. I think I was in shock as well. Oh, but that's not all. He asked if I wanted to sit down in the grass, and again being the naive nice person I am and being distracted with the whole holding hand thing, I agreed. So when we sat down he put his arm around me.
This may not seem like it but he was going way to fast for me to really handle. If I was uncomfortable now, I was even more now with his arm around me. And mentally I was starting to freak out. Eventually I managed to get out "Do you mind if you can take me back?" This may sound mean, but honestly I don't think I've ever been so relieved to get away from someone before.
He was nice despite the awkward things he did, but I don't want to be alone with him again. But another thing, even after this happened like two hours ago now I still feel uncomfortable and on the borderline of being scared. Tati says it's because it's the first time anything like that has happened to me, and I don't like the guy. I don't like this feeling...
I should have said something but I don't know what to say. I mean there's plenty of stuff to say but when I'm put into that situation nothing comes out. I literally mean nothing, I'll open my mouth and nothing will come out. Ugh, I'm going to be so doomed at college. *cries*
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I need to update this more.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
6:53 PM
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Listening to: Missing vs. Crawling Mood: Bleh I honestly need to update this blog more often. My last entry was way back in the middle of July with quiz results! I'll try my best to keep this updated, not like anyone really reads my entries. Maybe I should get more of my friends to join blogger. I wouldn't mind reading their entries either.
Anyways, I'm currently living with my mom again until college starts. Long story short; got in a fight with dad, had to pay my insurance ($148.06) without any help, left completely broke, can't live for a month on $20.00 so thus I moved back in with my mom for a short while. Just until I can move into my dorm on Aug. 20th.
There really isn't anyone down here my age, except a 19 year old kid named Collin I believe. I've only met him once and it was real brief. But we're going to hang out tomorrow, I dunno what we're going to do though. So to pass my days I've been playing MMORPGs and helping my friend beta a server when the game officially goes up. I'm going to be a GM so it'll be very interesting, and I have to be very active on the serve but I don't really see a problem. I've been on the server once with a character all ready made and it seems like it'll be a real fun game once everything is working correctly and there's more people around.
That's it for now. :3
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