Les points de son coeur.
Friday, August 14, 2009
2:22 PM
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Listening to: NYAPPY in the world 3 ~ DREAM & LOVE ver. ~ -- An Cafe
Mood: Blank
Is it bad to not want to talk to a parent because they hurt you emotionally? I haven't talked to my dad for three weeks easy, but today my mom told me I should talk to him about how I feel. I tried talking to him today, but I ended up crying again, and eventually ended up cutting off all emotion. I don't want to talk to him. I don't. I don't. I don't.
I tried explaining what felt, really did, but he just cut me off. Saying I'm just mad, and upset, and that I'm not listening. I'm listening, it's the fact that you're not.
He says he doesn't want to degrade me but it feels like it. Even if you say it that you aren't, and it feels like it, I'm going to go with what my emotions are telling me. He says he's going to call back, but I'm probably - no, I know I'm going to ignore it.
It's easy to not talk to you, easy to avoid saying "I love you" at the end of our conversation, easy to pretend I care, it's so easy because you weren't there. You left, and expect that everything will still be the same? It's not going to be.
I wonder why it's so easy to hate but not easy to love. And it makes me think about divorces, if you marry someone aren't you suppose to love them even more than you did when you first married them?
Because of all these problems I desperately don't want to have this happen to me when I fall in love, when I marry. I don't want the love of my life to leave me because he doesn't "love me anymore" like it happened to my parents. In this time of day now, it's so hard to think that this isn't going to happen. People commit adultery because it's normal now a day (well, at least in the US, I can't say for all the other countries out there). I feel like nearly impossible to be in a stable relationship, a stable family that will have it's quarrels once in a while but stay together despite all odds.
Is there even a chance anymore?
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