What Do You Do?

Thursday, June 3, 2010
7:40 PM
[ 1 comments ]

Listening to: Salva Nos -- Yuki Kajiura & FictionJunction
Mood: Discontent



Road Not Taken
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
--Robert Frost

Lately I've been thinking about where my life is going, and the Robert Frost poem just pops into my mind before I start seriously thinking on this subject. Everyone are always telling me, "Oh, that's so great that you have all that planned out," or "Those are great goals," but those plans/goals only go so far. Right now the furthest thing I got planned out is graduate college. Anything after that is a blank. I have no idea what I wanna do for the rest of my life for a job, I don't know how I'm going to pay off my student loans, I have no idea where I'm going to live, I don't have a love interest where I could eventually marry like some friends are doing, just nothing. And it's scaring the living day lights out of me.

It's like I'm standing in one place, and I can see everyone taking a step to get further and further to what they want. Everyone is moving forward and it feels like I'm getting left behind.

Sitting here at my dad's house doing literally nothing for half the day really makes me think of what am I going to do with myself? I came out here to Oklahoma to find a job, but even here nearly no one is hiring. The places I picked out, I haven't even submitted the application yet. Though I need to work to earn the money for next summer, I don't want to work. And I have a strong feeling that I won't get hired on my own, only if my dad asks his friends to put in a good word, or talks to the manager or something. Then it feels like I'm not earning it, my first job was the same way. My mother, and her boyfriend were friends of the manager who gave me an interview but I knew I was going to get hired either way.

I just feel like I have no future. I'll be standing in the same spot for years to come, all alone.

1 Comments:

At June 4, 2010 at 9:06 AM, Blogger Resha said...

Ooh, I learned that poem for English Literature! I know how it feels like when you think you're not moving... just staying there at one spot. You might not realise it, but you really probably are moving forward! Cheer up :] You know what you gotta do already, right? Then just do it!

 

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