I'll say that I was shocked. Tomorrow I wanna see how much I'll get for starting at 9:00 in the morning.

I've had a friend tell me that she envied me, saying the few things she admired and one of them was being strong. Not caring what people thought of me, standing where I believe is right and sticking with it, and knowing who I am. But she doesn't know how wrong she is.

I may act like it, but I'm not very strong at all. I falter a lot, I'm weak by myself, I think to much, and sometimes I don't know who I am. Sometimes I wonder what I'm even doing. Everyday seems to have no purpose. What is my purpose? Why am I even alive? Does it matter that I'm alive?

If somebody was born to help someone with this ever lasting impression to create this circle of support, then who was born to help me? Don't get me wrong, I have wonderful friends who I will forever keep close to my heart but is this the same thing?

I'm sorry, I'm being really selfish right now.

I promised myself (and to Tati) to try and not complain so much but a blog is a good place to let everything out.

I've started training as a waitress at a small restaurant known as Cherry Springs that does lunch, and scheduled formal dinners. I started to wait tables yesterday, and to be honest it's a bit harder than what people expect. There's so much to remember; how to write the orders on the ticket especially when with complicated orders, make sure that they have everything they need, get their food out (especially with a big order) without mixing everything up such as the sides but before I bring the food out I have to make sure that everything is right before it leaves the swinging doors, remember to check up on them after about eight minutes, make sure their drinks are always filled, asking again if there's anything they want, if they are done eating to take the plate away, ask if they want desert or want a to-go drink. (・∀・)

I made a lot of mistakes which makes me realize how much I still need to learn and make sure I'm doing things right. Like not leave the menus on the table after the order, and stumble over my words. (>_<;)

Another problem I really have is that I'm to shy and quiet. Michelle, one of the women that were shadowing me, said so herself that I needed to speak up. But she did in a kind way that I feel like I really need to do my best tomorrow when I work again which is my last training day. I'm a bit nervous, I probably won't sleep well tonight.

Since I've started working I've gotten five to six hours when I work, and my days go by so much faster than what they have been during these summer days. Today was my day off and it's been going by so slowly that it's driving me insane. I had woken up around noon too since I stayed up 'till five am with Tatiana. I'm so glad that I have Tati at nights to make them go faster, and it's my only time with her.

But with the day going by so slowly I realize I don't have anything to do. I ended up cleaning the house a bit before I was left with nothing to do again. I just wish I was back at school, I can do something during my days like classes, hanging out with friends, something.

I still have nearly two months left before school starts again, I have my two weeks to get ready to move back and to buy all the things that I need for the dorm. ...Let the days go by faster please!

Today I helped my grandfather sort through his collection of coins he had been collecting since he was a kid (after I slept half the day away). He had all sorts of coins from so many different places like Japan, Hong Kong, Peru, and a lot of coins that are no longer around such as the European ones since they all have been replaced by the euro. All the coins had their own special bag, only the England, Old English, and Jamaica had the most coins since they were the places my grandfather visited more often.


To be honest I feel so incredibly lucky to have him let me have his collection simply because I had an interest and have started my own collection when I first left the United States. Hopefully I can expand the collection with the current day coins, add on and introduce new places. Maybe I can hand them down to one of my children or grand children and they can extend it. Who knows?

This weekend I went to Sargent with my family. Sargent is a small town, it's mainly houses that are built around the ocean and the strip of ocean water that streams in the land. My grandparents have property along this strip (it's like a big river, just salt water) and my uncle right next to us. There isn't really signal for anything that requires it like wireless computer's, cell phones (I got one bar every once in awhile in one place), and even those portable TVs (The only channels we got were Spanish channels).

I had fun, and to be honest it was nice not to be surrounded by technology. It was a quiet place, the only sounds I could hear was the water rushing by and the seagulls that flew over. On my grandparent's property there's a little beach shack that is called "Rosie's Rum Shack," Rosie being my grandmother's nickname. It has a wooden bench inside, along with a few plastic chairs, two straw-like chairs, and two tables also made out of wood in this shack. I would say it is slightly smaller than a normal sized room with the middle section just made out of windows to keep the ocean breeze floating through to keep it cool inside. Screening covered the open space to keep majority of the insects out, once a while a fly or two flew in when the door was open at the smell of the food when it was out. But it was my favorite place during the weekend. The only thing else on the property was an old RV that held a bathroom, a really small kitchen and a place to sleep.

The whole weekend I lounged inside the rum shack on the bench which had cushions that were added once we arrived. It was placed in the back corner by a small side table, and read the day away. Kira, my older cousin, did pretty much the same but in long of the straw-made chairs that was big enough to fit two people. Inside the shack the humidity wasn't to much of a bother. It was nice just being outside (to an extent) reading in a relaxing atmosphere without worrying about being sun burned.

But it wasn't just relaxation, Kira and I helped her father build a deck for about an hour. Our main job was pulling very long pieces of wood out the pile (which were in the very back making it difficult to get to). But these pieces of foot were easily 12 ft long, they were probably longer than that. It wasn't to hard though, my arms weren't sore the next day which was a good sign.

The only problem I had was the first night when I was trying to sleep. The RV was hotter inside than it was outside, my grandfather turned on the AC to attempt to keep it cool but it wasn't working after a certain point in time in the night. It kept making sounds as if it was having troubles turning on reminding me of a car coughing to turn on after the key was turned. It got so incredible hot and humid while I slept on the couch. The small blanket I had on I had to kick off because I sweating like no other. I kept waking up every hour wiping sweat away from my forehead and face to the point I just wanted to strip down to my underwear but I knew I couldn't because 1) my brother was sleeping on the floor, 2) my grandparents were sleeping in the other room and if I overslept than that would NOT be good. So eventually around 5:30 in the morning I just stayed up, changed out of my into a light flowing dress, listened to some music until the sun came up and began reading my novel.

But I relatively had a good time (though when we returned home I never thought I would want a shower so bad before). I saw two soccer matches for the FIFA World Cup in the Spanish channel. Denmark won their match which I'm really pleased with but the only probably is that Denmark vs. Japan in their next match and I'm unsure of who to cheer for since I rooting for both of them.

What am I going to do? ~_~