Strange Dream
Saturday, May 16, 2009
7:18 PM
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Listening to: Emergency by Paramore
Mood: Tired of packing
I decided to write type out my dream on this blog, since it's more of a personal blog than my livejournal account.
It's pretty jumbled up but I'll try and break it down into sections so you can tell what part of the dream shifted, and/or there's just a blank spot that I can't remember. But almost everything in this dream or dream felt real. Like I was really experiencing it.
I.
I was following someone from my school choir, I think it was Katie, and we were going to sing somewhere.
We walked in a huge, gorgeous building. I didn’t recognize what kind of building it was at first; I seemed memorized by beauty of inside to really care. The walls were painted with a cream white color and were made out of plaster like a normal building build now a days. Everything was set up perfectly, but the thing that stood out the most though was a table with a pastel pink table cloth with a gold bowl sitting on top of it on the side of the hall we entered. I kept staring at it until at last I turned to Katie (or whoever was leading me) and asked, “Where are we?”
She gave me a strange look but answered. “In a church.”
For some reason I panicked; I felt my heart race at the thought of singing in a church. “I can’t sing in a church,” I replied, staring at Katie (or whoever) wide eyed. I started to move backwards towards the exit.
“What do you mean you can’t sing in a church?” Katie asked completely stunned at my attitude.
“I-I just can’t,” I answered back before turning around and hurried out of the building. It felt wrong to sing in the church and I didn’t understand why. Part of me was questioning myself as I ran, the simple questions of ‘Why can’t I sing?’ or ‘Did I do something wrong that makes me unworthy in a church?’
II.
I entered this building, the room was huge that reminded my of a gym at one of the schools I went too. There was fold up chairs set up everywhere facing the stage, and there were people everywhere. It was about forty people, a class size but slightly bigger. They were dressed up variously, I can barely remember any of the costumes; I can only remember a pair that were wearing matching pirate outfits. And everyone seemed to be in pairs, almost like they were doing the buddy system within the building.
I wandered in between the chairs watching everyone with a smile. It felt like I came in to see someone, and I was patiently looking around for that person, a him. All of a sudden I noticed that some people were smiling at each other and nodded their heads as if they were silently communicating. All of a sudden they busted into song, taking turns before finally coming into unison. A few of the fairs sung and danced around me before continuing on their way.
I laughed really enjoying myself with their little performance.
III.
(This is sorta connected to the previous section.)
I was outside of the building I was just in, the sky was dim, cloudy as if it was going to rain. I was smiling up at someone my hands lightly in his. It was a guy, and I felt really connected to him. It’s really hard to describe in words what I felt. I actually thought of the word love in my dream. My body and mind just seemed to scream that emotion at me. I felt the feeling pulsing through my veins, fill my heart and mind. I really loved this person dearly.
I was talking to him, I don’t remember what about possibly about the performance. And I don’t even know what this person looks like; he’s like a silhouette in my dream. But I could tell when he smiled, or when his eyes brightened.
I was finally saying good bye to him, pulling away with a bright smile. I was moving near the edge of sidewalk, and I said another good bye and stared walking to where ever I needed to go.
This next part is a bit of a blur and how it came to happen, it was either I was pushed out of the way or it just happened, but there was a sound of a horn. I turned to see a bus (or possibly a car) on the side. He was on the ground and there was blood everywhere. Somehow there were medical people there all ready but I seemed frozen.
I felt my heart clench in fear and in shock. Like what I was seeing couldn’t be possibly happening. Finally when they loaded up his body in the ambulance, I was able to move again. I started rushing towards the vehicle but I was pulled back before I got to close. I don’t remember who grabbed me, I think some guy who was a friend of my unknown lover, and held his arms around my waist to prevent me from going anywhere.
“You can’t go!”
By this time I’m screaming, and crying all at the same time. “Is he okay? Will he be all right?” I kept struggling and finally I fell to my knees. The guy that was holding me disappeared all together, I had no idea if he walked away or how long I sat there crying.
A few days must have passed because I’m wandering around the area the accident happen. I was in complete despair and confusion. My chest ached horribly as I walked, searching. I didn’t know where he went. I didn’t know if he was alive or if he was dead. I didn’t know what hospital he went to. I didn’t know anything. But I kept wandering around in search for him, as if he would just appear out of no where and embrace me, saying he was completely fine.
I entered the same building that had all the drama people in it. There were less people inside this time, all dressed up again. But this time I didn’t really smile, my eyes just kept searching for his face. The people who were wandering finally started singing joyously, but none of it reached me. They encircled me with their smiles, bright eyes, laughter and hopeful singing.
I pulled away and hurried into a dressing room. Hesitantly I asked the people inside if they had seen him. No one had an answer.
“Don’t know. He hasn’t come in for days now.”
“Do you know if he’s alive?” I asked then feeling dread weld up inside. My hands were clenched into fists, raised up resting again my chest. I felt my nails dig into my skin as they answered.
“Don’t know.”
“Do you know where he is?”
“Don’t know.” All of there answers were the same. ‘Don’t know’. But that statement gave me a feeling that he was alive, somewhere. With a new found of small confidence I returned outside looking for him.
The sky was still the dim, and cloudy, exactly how it was the day of the accident. I paused briefly during my search to stare up at the clouds wondering where he could possibly be. I think I even asked God to tell me where he was (but I called him Kami-sama in the dream).
I found myself looking in an alley, but it was a beautifully set up alley full of cafés and other some businesses. But everything seemed Russian. The language was spoken all around me as I walked through. Everyone had light skin with dark features. People who saw me gave me a disgusted look before turning away speaking away in their language.
The café I walked by reminded me of a Greek type of setting instead of Russian despite all the people. The floor was tilted with a light marble yellow color. There were pillars surrounding the café like a decorative type of railing. The bar was set up nicely at the end with a bartender cleaning up some long, wine glasses and hanging them upside down when he was finished.
I felt my heart drop, not seeing him anywhere. I felt like I wasn’t going to see him every again even though something in my mind told me he was alive.
Then I woke up with the biggest heartache I’ve ever had. I actually felt like I lost this person, and that I really loved him even after I woke up from my dream. It was strange that I felt like that after a dream which has never really happened to me before. Even now, after all day for that feeling to wear off, it still feels like I’m attached to this unknown lover.
I guess that’s it. Three more hours before the Final Nyappy concert is broad casted live.
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